This is Nobby.
Nobby is a giant gourami that inhabits my landlord's office. Normally, this is where I'd link to a wikipedia entry about giant gouramis. But that's not neccessary. All the wikipedia page would say is that "giant gouramis are pure evil that represent all that's wrong with the world. They, on occassionally, will eat your soul.*"
Today we paid our rent for the last time. This means the threat of being fed to Nobby as a result of missing a deadline is no longer a fear that haunts us every night in our sleep*. As I mentioned in a previous entry, our landlord looked oddly like Snatch villain Brick Top, who fed his enemies to pigs. While our landlord a much kinder fellow, we always feared in the back of our minds that if we effed up, our flat would be fish food. We were told Nobby killed his wife (although according to the wikipedia giant gouramis with big lips are female...like Nobby?!) and also another fish placed in his tank. So the next logical step would be humans. Once he's had his first taste of human blood...may God have mercy on our souls.
Alas, we've all survived (as long as we remember to turn in our keys...). And over the months I've grown quite fond of the fish. So I put together a brief video and photo story about my time with Nobby. Make sure you hit play on the music player before viewing the video and photos. If song one makes the experience all-too-terrifying, then switch to song two for a happier tale about life with me and my pal Nobby.
Bum bummm...
Bum bummmm...
Bum bummmmm bum bum bum bum...
Bam your dead, fool!
Then again, if Nobby ever did become too big of a threat. The people of Thailand* did provide us with this option. :( Just kidding.
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Foot notes
*Actually, that's almost what the wiki entry says. Here's an excerpt: "If other fish are added to a tank, either large or small, they might be killed within a short period."
*Fact: Nightmare on Elm Street would be a scarier movie, if in fact, Freddy Kruger was a giant gourami*.
*Fact: Taylor, after passing out on a couch one evening, woke up an hour later in a cold sweat. He had just endured a dream where a gnarled Nobby IN HUMAN FORM partied all night long at the same house party Taylor was at!*
*This story is 100 percent valid. Taylor didn't sleep again for two or three days. And he couldn't party for at least eight hours.
*Thailand has a whole bunch of big ass fish. Click here, and scroll down to the section entititled "Fishing in Thailand" and prepare to scare yourself ****less. Never ever, ever go swimming in Thailand. Not even in a swimming pool. These are freshwater fish. Evil freshwater fish. If Satan has a fish tank, these are the fish that live inside it.
1 comment:
OH MY GOD.
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